Holiday Happenings

This time of year is always stressful for me - I never want to upset anyone by not spending enough time with them and don't want any family to feel that I am picking another family over them - child of non-traditional family. Hopefully Christopher never feels that stress.

It has been pretty busy for us. I put in my two week notice at Weather Shield. I was offered a job by a previous employer and accepted. However, I just received a second - and bigger - offer from another employer. I'm really torn and on the fence. I'm pretty sure I know which way I am going. I just don't want to burn any bridges (there I go worrying about everyone else again).

I think we are all prepared for Christmas. I took a day off of work a couple weeks ago to do some last minute shopping and knocked almost everything off my list. I think I have one last gift card to pick up and we will be set.

It was so difficult for me to not buy something for Christopher at every store. I just love to shop for him. I've always been a bit of a shopaholic but now any time I see something that "Christopher might like" it tends to end up in the cart/bag. I REALLY did contain myself as I gave specific lists to Grandmas and Grandpas and I didn't want to risk buying something duplicate. I can have a heckuva lot of fun after Christmas for him!

He's being doing so awesome! We've introduced green beans, peas and carrots to his diet. He is not the biggest fan of green beans (just like Mommy). He is okay about peas and seems to really like carrots. Coincidentally, or perhaps not, he has also been sleeping really really well overnight since we introduced the veggies.

Ha! I just jinxed myself - he WAS sleeping and is now stirring (6:45 am!!!) - I'll finish more later.

Merry Christmas if I miss you before then.

2 Years

Jared and I celebrated our two year wedding anniversary yesterday. I guess we didn't celebrate as much as we just hit the milestone. Dude surprised the heck out of me with a bouquet of flowers when I got home - two yellow roses for the two years we've been married nestled in with some beautiful red ones. Mama cried. I cry at everything these days.

I cried when he walked in the door with Christopher because I realize how blessed I am to have this amazing life. It isn't always easy and it certainly isn't perfect but it is mine and I love it.

We're celebrating tonight (because I'm such a good wife I let him bowl last night). Tonight we're going to Mino's for some Italian cuisine. I'm looking forward to it with a good glass of wine.

Randomization

I was so stressed the last time I blogged. I was at the walk-in clinic waiting for lab results feeling like pooh on a stick. I didn't have strep or mono. Just realllllly run down and a super sore throat.

I went to the doctor again on Monday to discuss PPD. I don't know for sure that I have it. I've been doing some reading and I think I may identify more with Post Partum Stress Disorder. I'm not depressed or sad as much as I am frazzled and pissed off a lot of the time. I am really really trying to learn what my triggers are (being tired) and what sets me off (feeling like I am the only one doing anything). The Doctor suggested that I start taking Lexapro and I am super hesitant to get back on the wagon. I took it for almost 5 years and then weaned myself off slowly and painfully over a period of 10 months. It was awful and I don't know if I want to go through that again.

The good part of all of this is that I am feeling a bit better physically which I hope will help me feel better emotionally. I would like to start getting some sort of exercise back into the picture. I don't know exactly how or when. Christopher gets up so gosh darn early and the mornings are pretty chaotic. I could do it at night but I am worried that it will make me more wired. I'm having some trouble falling asleep - generally after his middle of the night feeding. I lay there thinking about the things that I want to get done and my mind just runs. Gotta find that off button. Again, I'm trying to be more cognizant of these things and hoping that awareness helps.

On the Christopher front: He was super sick about two weeks ago. Definitely the worst cold that we have had to deal with so far. Day care called on a Friday afternoon to get him as he had a fever over 100*. I took him in to the doctor and they said yeah just a bad cold. I took him back in again on Sunday to the walk-in and he was diagnosed with his first ear infection. Poor little guy. That was opening weekend of hunting. Jared was so sweet and gave up hunting on Sunday to stay home with the two of us - Saturday had been pure hell. I have never been covered in so much snot, spit, spit-up etc. Christopher spit-up about 5.5 oz of bottle on Sunday. All over me, the dog, the carpet and an ottoman. He had cried pretty hard on the way home from the walk-in and was starving. I should have burped him half way through... live and learn.

He is starting to sit on his own. I had him on the floor in front of me one morning and realized that he was pretty independent. I let him rest against my shin and we've been practicing more and more. I am so amazed with his development.

We also popped another tooth this morning. I was in the bathroom getting ready for church. Jared had been snuggling with Christopher when holy hell broke loose. Christopher screamed and screamed and I thought oh I'll just grab him and he'll be fine. No dice. So I was walking around with him and I looked and thought "that looks like another tooth" and Jared came running to check and sure enough. I feel kind of bad that I missed it as I feel like it came out of nowhere. He was fine and then screaming bloody murder. We gave him some anbesol and a half dose of Tylenol and he was fine again.

I cannot believe that he is five months old already. I know that he'll be a year in the blink of an eye. I'm just trying to enjoy every possible moment.

Run Down

You don't realize how cruddy you feel until it is too late to stop the madness. I'm sitting at the walk-in waiting for lab results to come back. They think I have mono. So I know that I've been pretty pooped out lately and have been feeling pretty yucky. I didn't realize until the last few minutes how run down I really feel.
There is so much going on in our lives right now. Jared lost his job a week ago, we're talking about relocating, I'm trying to be supermom and wife and save the day. I think it is someone else's turn to be the cruise director for awhile. I have just wanted to crawl in bed and sleep for the past week or so but have just tried pushing through it.
I'm worried too about PPD a little. I feel good most of the time but I have moments where I am uncertain of what I am doing and/or if I am doing enough. I am so hard on myself and hold myself (and others) to such high standards. I'm realizing it is really hard to continually live at a "10" everyday. I just want to be the best Mommy for Christopher and a good wife to Jared. I guess that the rest - the house, the laundry, the dishes, the cleaning et al do not have to be top priority...somehow need to reconcile that I don't have as much time and that it is ok to let some things go. Otherwise I need a live in maid or Jared needs a second wife to keep the house together.

One more thing!

Check out our photographer's blog! She is the best!!!

http://www.lindseymariephotoblog.com/

Toofers!

Okay ONE tooth, but ayup! The boy has popped a tooth. I'm a terrible writer and forgot to tell you - with all the sick and stuff I'm sure you'll understand! Bottom right on Monday the 15th. It still is not completely visible but you can feel it! He was chewing and chewing on Grandpa Jeff's finger at his baptism luncheon and "now we know why". We - Jared's Mom, myself, Grandpa Jeff, Grandma Arlene - all thought he was teething but it seemed to go on and on and on! Ms. Ann from Daycare finally noticed it on Monday - she wrote me a note on his daily sheet. He was sleeping by the time I had him at home. I, of course, had to wake him up and stick my finger in there to check things out! Yay Christopher!

Here's a favorite picture of mine! Christopher is so lucky to have Great Grandma Gracie! She just love love loves him!

Four Months Four Weeks

We made it four months and four weeks without any major issues. Day care called last Friday and asked me to get Christopher as he had a fever. Babies get fevers, I get that.

Because I am a safer than sorry kinda Momma yet I called our Physician and we got in Friday afternoon - what the heck is it with kids getting sick on Fridays so that we have the whole freakin' weekend to fret?? So I pushed to get in - I swear the nurse on the phone must have skipped her empathy classes. I wanted to reach through the phone. I had to pull the bitch card out on the phone with her while I was picking Christopher up at day care. I'm sure they were real impressed. So we went in and yes he has a fever and yes he has a good cold. OK thanks. Pat on the back from the doctor and home we went.

Saturday was pure chaos. He was burning up and his nose ran like a faucet. My baby was one of "those kids" with the super snotty noses that I always gagged over in the past. YUKKO. But I was a trooper while Daddy went hunting and Christopher and I muddled through it - somehow. He cried and cried. His little voice is so hoarse. We contemplated taking him back in to the Walk-In but decided to wait it out.

Sunday morning we hung out - Jared let me go grocery shopping. I needed to get out of the house for a little bit. Christopher's fever was down and his nose seemed a little better. By the afternoon though we decided to take him in. His eyes were just watering and watering and super blood shot. I was 99% sure it was not pink eye but just wanted to make sure. And I wanted to ask if he could have a decongestant or something. He was struggling to take a bottle due to his nose being sooooo stuffy.

The magical answer is no decongestant and then she proceeded to say generally not until age 2 (OMG!). They checked him over and we found the first ear infection. I have been dreading it. A lot of Moms tell me that once you get one they are nonstop. I don't know what I can do to stop that from happening. Might have to put a call in to the chiropractor to get his opinion. I know when we were treating for colic he was super anit-antibiotic. We're three doses in tonight and seeing good results.

He has been such a trooper. I took him to day care for a couple hours today as I had a meeting that I needed to go to (am on layoff this week). He snoozed for the most part for the girls there. We came home and he was just a little ham for me. Trying to smile and just hang out. He even gave us a couple giggles! What a sweet sweet boy.

Oh! I am now an experienced projectile vomit Momma too. After the walk-in yesterday Jared dropped us off here at home and ran back in town to pick up his prescription. Christopher had been crying and crying in the car and I figured he was hungry. I try to settle him down a little before feeding him as we've had the too much air problem before. Well once he got that bottle in his mouth I sort of went with it. 6 ounces later he was "full" and I moved to burp him and thought huh you're not breathing real well. I put him over my shoulder to burp him and I swear that he must have spewed 60 ounces back out. Poor Kahlua girl took the most of it on her back, along with the ottoman, love seat, floor and down the back of my sweatshirt. I am fairly confident it was from having too much air from the crying. He also hadn't eaten that much in a few days. So maybe a combo of too much too fast. Poor guy. Kahlua didn't mind and it cleaned up pretty easy - Yay for stain resistant carpet or whatever the hell protection plan we got! The loves eat cleaned up well too - Kahlua on the other hand...needs a bath!

This 'n That

Another week gone. Time is flying so quickly. While it makes the work weeks go fast the weekends seem to zoom even faster.

The time change has kind of mixed things up a little - I never even dreamed about this when thinking about having a baby and the issues that would come with it. The first few mornings we were up at 3:45 (ohmygoodness). Along with that, for whatever reason, he has been sleeping through the night. I was thrilled with the 6 hour stretches that he was finally giving me...NOW though it has been from about 6:00 to 3:45 or so. I keep it quiet and he usually goes back down around 5 am *just in time for me to get ready for work - what a buddy, huh? I'm pushing the envelope to 6:30 p.m. though we usually have bottle in mouth at 6:15. We'll get it. Little by little.

This past weekend we finally had Christopher's baptism. I tell ya, the kid is amazing. Everyone in church was amazed at how "good" he was. He really was super. Aunt Polly held him through the first half of the service. I love how she loves him (yes Polly I know you're reading this). She worries about hogging him. Let me tell ya, if anyone hogs him, I want it to be her! She's awesome with him! Anyway...during his baptism he was super - just squeaked a little when Pastor Craig poured the water on his head. Then when we went out to dinner everyone loved on him again. He even helped Grandpa Jeff teach the bartender at the restaurant how to make a proper Old Fashioned. Then proceeded to pass out - must be tough being a baby bartender. It was pretty cute!



We had another Physical Therapy appointment as well. I must tell you that I walked out of that appointment feeling ten feet tall and bullet proof. After the little struggles we had with side preferences, potential torticollis and the right arm use Jen told me that he is actually ahead of where he should be developmentally. It had been so frustrating the times before because he was always "behind" and it made me feel like I wasn't doing enough for/with him. We have a two - three month reprieve before we go back and were given a few little things to aim for but nothing to catch up on! It was so refreshing!

He's amazing...you know? I hold this little boy in my arms when he is sleeping and just am consistently overwhelmed with such emotion from the love that I feel for him. I have loved before but never like this. My heart is so full of happiness and love. I feel like I have finally figured it out. My job may not be the most perfect, I might not always love the car I drive or the clothes I wear, but at the end of the day there is always Christopher and that makes everything else...enough. Simply amazing what someone so little can do.

Sleepy Sunday

Well hello new followers! Thank you for following me, how exciting!

Christopher is napping...again. I've been able to get quite a bit done around the house; he's been snoozy all weekend. Such a cute little snore! I *can* finally say that he isn't sick anymore. I believe the cold is done - until next time. Day care has had some hella colds and sicknesses. They just implemented a mandatory hand washing upon entering the facility rule. I'm very thankful for that. I hope that everyone respects it.

We had our 4 month check-up last Monday. Little Dude was 15 lbs 5 oz and 24.25 inches. Holy Moly! Dr. Ann said he's perfect. I already knew that but it sure is nice to be reminded by a professional. It has been an absolutely amazing 4 months. There isn't a day that goes by that I am not completely amazed by him.

I put a tub of newborn to three months clothes away this last week. Jared and I were in awe of the teeny tiny NB clothing. I barely remember him ever being that small. I went way overboard on buying stuff for him. There were tons of things he never wore or only wore once. I jokingly said we'd have to have a boy this next time (Lord knows I'd be head over heals either way) since we already have so much boy stuff and I seem to have the boy stuff down pat. He's pretty darn easy (now!).

We've been practicing with the rice cereal this past week. I think I am ready for day care to give it a try this week. He's doing an awesome job and probably gets 75% of it now. I tend to stand to close to him and he kicks me and the bowl and it goes flying. Still learning the logistics that work for both of us.

Jared and I were able to get away for the afternoon last Sunday. We dropped Christopher off at Grandma & Grandpa Olson's and we went down to Appleton to do some shopping and have dinner together. Nothing fancy, but super nice to just get away together. We really need to keep up with that otherwise I feel like we lose track of each other.

Christopher has been rolling over in his sleep and staying on his tummy. We made it through the two weeks of waking up every hour mid-roll. I'm a bit leery about his sleeping on his stomach. Dr. Ann said it was "OK". Apparently I need to sleep too (who knew?!). So our nights have been a lot better. I'm hoping to sleep train him through his first waking and then we'll have the 3:00 feeding and more sleep! I am shooting to keep him up past 7:00 too. We'll see how THAT goes with the silly time change.

We've been venturing out a little bit more again. We went out to dinner with Jared's parents on Friday night. Christopher was SO good and easy. Jared had to cut my steak for me so I could eat one handed but other then that I think we got it figured out! Little Dude & I went grocery shopping yesterday and that was quite easy. He was awesome. I'm feeling more confident again!

4 Months!

Can you even believe that our baby boy is four months old?

One year ago yesterday I learned that I was pregnant with him. The story is pretty cool.

It was my last day of work with a previous employer and it was "highly suggested" that I get the H1N1 flu shot. I really didn't want to so I thought I'll call my OB and see what they are recommending. First thing one of the nurses asks is could I possibly be pregnant. I say no since we had been trying for a while and was feeling down about it. She asks what day of my cycle it was and I said 35 or 36. She suggested I come in for blood work "just in case" since Dr. AJ didn't want his pregnant patients to have the flu shot in their first trimester. So I did. I was convinced that it would be negative. I had just put my fertility test sticks away that morning and had decided to leave it in someone else's hands.

About 2:30 that afternoon I get a phone call from my OBs office and low and behold the nurse says "I have good news for you, you're pregnant!" I was standing at my desk when I took the call and had to sit down immediately and I started to sob. I couldn't even respond to her! She asked if I was OK and I think I whispered yes and the rest...as they say...is history! I never did get the H1N1 flu shot.

Christopher has had a pretty big week here. We hit the big four month mark! WOW!! As previously mentioned, he recently started rolling from his stomach to his back. That is manageable for him as he just starts playing once the flip happens. Yesterday he took it a step further and has begun to roll from back to stomach! And then he cries! Poor guy! On top of all of that happiness he has been sleeping terribly the last week. He gets "stuck" in the middle of a roll and just cries. He's such a wiggly sleeper. I think I have gone in there a good ten to fifteen times a night to comfort him and put him back to sleep. It has made for a pretty long work week with about 4 - 5 hours of sleep a night. Zzzzz

Along with the four month marker came an attempt with rice cereal. He was quite uninterested the first time and spit 99% of it right back at me. This morning he maybe swallowed 50% of it. We'll keep trying! Maybe it will help him sleep a little.

Tomorrow is the dreaded 4 month MD appointment. I do NOT want to go through the whole shots thing again...but we managed last time so I'm sure we will again this time.

Have I told you lately...

Being a Mommy is the best thing in the whole world. I knew in my heart of hearts that I always wanted to be a Mom...I just never realized how ..."find good word to use and insert here"...amazing (not good enough but it will have to do) that it would be.

There isn't a day that goes by that Christopher doesn't do something that I find absolutely stunning. This past week he was taking his pacifier, pulling it out of his mouth, looking at it and putting it back in! Really? When did he learn that? Why can't he do it in the car? I know...baby steps!

He's such a ham. Loves loves loves to snuggle - I love this, eat it right up. Who wouldn't?

Jared, Christopher & I had our first family photo session last Friday. I am sooooo excited to see them. Lindsey does a fabulous job! We had a ton of fun. Christopher was drooling like a faucet and Lindsey found it hilarious. I'm kinda like...yuk...but it still was pretty cute! Did I tell you that I can't wait to see the pictures?

My conference last week went really well - learned lots of interesting stuff and should implement some of the ideas ...eventually. I survived one whole night away! I went to bed around 10:30 and slept straight through to 4:30. Awesome!

Christopher's cold seems to be letting up some...he still has that cough - day care hack? I don't know. He is still really schnuffly and I use that bulb sucker thing to clean out his nose. He puts up with it! But...it isn't like it was, thankfully!

They say time flies...

We've had a busy few days here again - I'm in Milwaukee at a conference and have been up since 4:30 since that seems to be my normal-ish wake-up time. I got 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep which was very refreshing. Hoping that this afternoon when it is time to get the heck out of dodge that I still feel refreshed! It was a long car ride yesterday morning on 3 hours of sleep due to doggy drama.

Christopher's cold is finally letting up. He doesn't cough/gag/sputter nearly as much as he was previously. I'm wondering if this hack is just a fact of day care. He seems perfectly happy otherwise.

We've taken to wearing bibs the past week. He is a total drool monster - so much that day care has even changed his clothes on a fairly regular basis. He also LOVES to eat his hands...every picture I take seems to have his hand in his mouth. I swear he'll get the whole fist in there eventually!

We had some home front drama again this week. I'm laughing now but I'm sure I'll have some frustration tonight when I get home. Tuesday night Jared and I were hanging out together after I put Christopher down for the night. We were actually having great conversation and enjoying each other's company. Kahlua was begging and begging to go outside - which is highly normal except she kept barking and growling. Finally, because I was sick of listening to her I just let her out (on leash thank goodness). She bolted out the door faster than I had ever seen her and returned within the minute. I let her in while saying "gosh it smells like skunk out there".

Yup, she got sprayed and then she came in the house. I have never experienced such YUK in my entire life! Jared got her in the bathtub within seconds and tried helping her - she was foaming at the mouth so it looks like she took a direct facial hit. In the meantime the smell is starting to permeate through our home. NOT GOOD.

We ended up putting her in the garage and evacuating to a hotel. Jared took her to a groomer on Wednesday but I don't know what the status of our house is. I "think" I can still smell it in some of the clothes that I brought to my conference but it might be my imagination. I was so paranoid yesterday hoping people didn't think I smelled - even after 2 showers. I am not looking forward to going home to the smell.

I am however looking forward to going home to see my little boy! I'm missing him like crazy! I'm sure the time apart is good for both of us - everyone seems to think I should "enjoy" this time apart. Easier said than done. How can you not miss them?

The OTHER good drama that happened on Tuesday was Christopher rolling over! I made him cry though because I got really excited. He did it two times from stomach to back rolling over on his right side. It was this perfect little choreographed roll. I am SO proud of him! Jared got to see it too which was great because I feel like he is missing out on some of this stuff. I forgot to ask day care about it yesterday when I dropped him off. So in my book unless I hear otherwise my baby boy rolled over for the first time!

We Have Giggles

Christopher has found his laughter! It is the most amazing special sound in the entire world.

I heard it one night around a 2:30 am feeding. I was changing him and he made this funny ADORABLE sound that I thought was a laugh but I was tired and uncertain and figured he'd do it again. A couple days later I got a little giggle and was ELATED. Ms. Ann at day care said he had been trying so hard and she finally got one on the changing table.

Well this last week he has just been cracking himself up and the first night I just bawled through my laughter - good tears! Makes all the rough stuff that we had to go through so worth it. Most of the time it takes some "provoking" from Jared or I with tickles and touch. Tonight Jared said Christopher was giggling without tickles!! So freaking cute!

Slow Down!

I went to Cranfest last weekend with a great friend. Got pulled over on the way down to Warrens. So I WAS going a little fast and my husband gave me a pretty hard time about it. - Hey I got a verbal warning! But it got me to thinking, what the heck am I always going so fast for? Not just literally but figuratively too. I'm set at 90 mph and can't get it done fast enough... Life is going so fast I don't want to miss a second with Christopher. I'm going to try to slow down as much as I can.

Last night was a little chaotic in our world. I got home about 6:00 and Kahlua had eaten dry wall spackling. We called the ER vet and they said bring her in and we'll look at her for $90.00. She's totally worth it but we decided to wait. Christopher, in the meantime, falls asleep on the living room floor - no fussing - just in the middle of playing. I make supper and Jared & I hang out for the rest of the night. I tried to wake him up around 9:00 to feed him as he hadn't eaten since 5:00. No dice so he fell back to sleep until 11:30.

He scared the crap out of me - He's been hacking and coughing and they've told us it is "just" an Upper Respiratory Infection so we've been going with it. Well the hacking and coughing turned into gagging and gasping for air for about ten minutes. I had intended on calling our Doctor this morning but we ended up taking him to the Emergency Room. He was HUNGRY but he couldn't drink and breathe at the same time so the shit hit the fan. They didn't do jack for us which I get and am thankful that we are still avoiding antibiotics but I felt like an ass for taking him in. I wasn't really thrilled with the ER Doctor. I totally got the "new parent" pain in the butt vibe from him.

I'm calling our regular physician today to see what she suggests. It was a scary 45 minutes or so before he was finally normal colored again and not gagging.

Get better little guy. We love you so very much.

Another Week!

Christopher has been absolutely fabulous the last week. I think we might be through the worst of it.
I took him in to see our family doctor again this past Monday though. He has a pretty good little cough - somehow he manages to sleep right through it though! He has an upper respiratory infection and a recheck on Friday. Daycare hasn't notice the cough (?) though so...maybe it isn't that big of a deal. I don't know. I think the cough is awful! He's sure growing! He weighed 13 lbs 7 oz and was 23.25 inches! WOW!

We had a busy week with a funeral last Tuesday and Jared's Mom's Birthday this past weekend. Everyone just seems to LOVE Christopher and it puffs me right up. I'm so blessed to have such a cutie patootie!

B-E-A-U-tiful

Christopher had seven good days in a row! Tonight was a bit of crying but not anywhere near how it had been AND I think he was tired vs. colic. We had a family funeral today, Jared's uncle Jimmy passed away. EVERYone loved our little Christopher. I just get so puffed up and proud because I agree with them...he is fricken CUTE!

Jared is finally starting to catch some of the fun with Christopher. Just this past week Christopher has become more interactive and catches your eyes and holds on! It is so sweet and just melts my heart. Not saying that the colic was worth it but these moments sure make it much more bearable! It is so good to see Jared interact with him and the amazement on both of their faces. I love watching them together.

Work has been pretty good. I'm still not in love with the job but it pays so well and the people I work with make it pretty easy. Just gonna hang in there until I don't have to anymore. Heaven knows when that will be.

Back to Work

Its been a busy week. After almost 4 months of leave I went back Tuesday. It was almost like I never left, just picked up where I left off. For the most part anyway. Here's a picture from Tuesday of Christopher and I (Not sure why it is "inside out".)

Daycare has been "OK". I've got some concerns but need to figure out if it is me just being over protective or if this isn't going to work for us. I hate that he has to be there almost 50 hours a week.

The good news is this has been a much better week for us colic wise. Then again he barely sleeps at daycare and is pretty exhausted by the time I get him. He comes home has a bottle and is usually out by 7:00 at the latest. Makes for some really early mornings (4 a.m.). We'll figure it out.

Blue Skies

One of the things that has happened in the past two months outside of Christopher being born is me reaffirming my faith. I'm so excited to have found a church that I enjoy attending. I've even started listening to Christian radio again - although I will likely not give up my Bob & Tom during my morning commute. Raunchy as they are the dudes are funny.

Tonight I was driving into town to pick Christopher up from day care. I fully admit that I was kind of dreading it because this last week has been pretty rough for us again colic wise. His only good day was Monday and it feels like every other night was nine times worse than it had previously been. Today had been a pretty gloomy and cold day - fall is definitely setting in. There was a break in the clouds and the sky was this beautiful blue - the kind you certainly appreciate when the day has been so grey. Everything Falls by Fee was on the radio and I was really listening to the lyrics. God's got my back. I don't know how or why He thinks that I can handle this colic business...but He must. I felt this overwhelming sense of peace and "OK-ness" with this situation. I just hope and pray that I can remember this when things get really nutso with Christopher. And even more I pray that this colic ends soon.

Unfortunately Christopher revved up pretty hard when we got home tonight. I was able to get in touch with the chiropractor's office at 5:50 and they got us in - amazing on a Friday night - not to mention a 3 day weekend. Dr. Bautch wasn't there but Dr. Aaron was able to do a little adjustments. It is going to be a long time to next Wednesday if this continues.

Personal Update

I'm trying to keep myself motivated on this weight loss wagon. I'm doing alright - still losing about 2 lbs per week give or take. I had a birthday thrown in there that I let myself "go" a little. Still going to work hard. Pretty soon I might even weigh less than Jared! (We're getting pretty close)

To keep me motivated here's a before pregnancy and current picture:

This is Jared & I in Puerto Vallarta for our Honeymoon January 2009 - it seems like so much more time has passed than this!



And this is Christopher and I Monday night. It was a great no meltdown night and I didn't want to put him down because I was afraid he might start crying!

Insanity

I'm really struggling with Christopher's crying the last week or so. I know that it is just something that he has to outgrow and it isn't me but it really makes me doubt myself as his Mommy. He just cries and cries and cries and no matter what you do it doesn't seem to calm him. I initially believed that maybe the chiropractics were helping but tonight was rotten to the core again. He had his first adjustment today since last Friday so I had anticipated tonight being a little better. Skeptical at best.

I just promise him at night that I will keep trying if he does. It freakin' breaks my heart in pieces to hear him cry like that.

Firsts

One of the big reasons why I didn't want to put Christopher in daycare was because I didn't want to miss the "firsts"... I'm still sad about it but I know that it is what we need to do right now. I also believe that time away from him - especially during this colicky stressful time - is going to make me an even better Mommy.

He started truly smiling within this last week. I was so worried that it would never happen. It is the most beautiful sight for this Mommy's eyes...it melts my heart and still makes me tear up.

He also is starting to track objects and does best with following eyes. If Jared or I are holding him and the other walks past he will actually follow you now. That is so sweet. Any worries about his development that I may have had are completely assuaged. He is perfect!

Here's a picture of two firsts - his first day of daycare and the first smile I was able to catch on camera. Look at those eyes sparkle.

Trauma for your Momma

Today Christopher had his two month check-up. I knew what was coming but never imagined it would be as stressful as it was for ME!

Our little monkey weighed in at 11 pounds 15 ounces. Jared, his parents, and I all made guesses and Jared was the closest at 12 pounds. I had been worried about his eating...guess that was for naught! Thank goodness our little guy at least knows how to eat! He's also gained an inch and a half - must be all that squirming he does, just growing and growing!

After asking several questions of our family doctor we decided to proceed with the vaccinations. I knew that it would be tough but...wow. When the nurses asked me to "hold him down" I started to cry. He was being so sweet. The girls counted to three, poked and my baby boy turned seventeen shades of red and screamed. The nurse on his left had a last vaccination to give and then I was able to pick him up and comfort him as best I could. He cried pretty hard for all of ten seconds and then just whimpered. Why does it have to be so hurtful???

He's finally sleeping pretty soundly now. He was so upset and hungry and tired when we got home. Hard to keep him calm and sane. He just wanted to be held and comforted. I loved up on him as much as I could and hope that he knows that it will be okay.

Time Flies!

Wow it's almost been a month since I have taken time to write...I can tell you that it has been pretty nutso here between colic and my feeling out of sorts because I can't help him. The good news is that things are starting to get better.

Christopher's colic has been pretty chaotic. He typically cries between 5 pm and 8 pm and we do EVERYTHING we can to calm him down. Unfortunately the only thing that has really worked is taking him outside. So Jared, Christopher & I have been sitting on the deck at night watching the clouds, bugs, cars, etc. It is really amazing as he just sits quietly and takes it all in. By 7p.m. I try to bring him in and we give him a bath. He seems to love bath time. It happens every night right now. I'm hoping we don't wear it out!

His face has really cleared up. I was SO paranoid about it. It looked terrible between the acne and the really dry skin. I know it wasn't a big deal but I didn't want people to think "yuck" about him...even though I did.
I am 99% sure that the chiropractor appointments have been helping. The colic fits have been shorter and shorter. This week they are lasting from 15 - 30 minutes where in the beginning they were at least 2 hours. It SUCKED!! We also changed formulas yesterday...maybe that is helping too.

I'm also seeing the chiropractor for my hand. He, of course, completely disagreed with the orthopedic surgeon's treatment
plan. The good news is that the visits have really been helping. It doesn't hurt nearly as much anymore! Yay!

Jared & I are doing a lot better. On Sunday I finally called his Mom to ask for some help. I had no idea how much more I could take so we dropped Christopher off with her and went to Appleton for the day. Jared & I went for lunch and did some shopping and finally were able to have a good conversation about the "State of the Union". Communication is the key!

I'm attempting our first family get together this weekend. My birthday is tomorrow and while we won't be going out I thought it would be nice to have family over. So Sunday I'm gonna play hostess and have my family and hopefully some of Jared's over. Looking forward to it!

Tomorrow is Christopher's 2 month appointment with Dr. Fullington. I'm looking forward to finding out how much he weighs now but NOT looking forward to him receiving shots. I'm sure it will be worse for me - that's what they say anyway!

Holy Monkeys!

To say it has been stressful might be a minor understatement...

I don't think any Mom ever really knows it coming but we've been hit ...blindsided by the bi-atch known as colic. It hasn't been godawful but it has certainly been a challenge. I've been feeling really stressed and needing socialization which makes it even more difficult.

Christopher started chiropractic care on Monday...Monday night was completely different (better) than the prior few. Tuesday - hellacious. Yesterday he had an adjustment again. I get such a kick out of it when the Doctor pushes his legs into his tummy and he toots away.

We walked out of yesterdays appointment feeling pretty good. Of course I didn't come right home and Christopher screamed bloody murder - probably swallowing lots of air and becoming quite upset...again. I was able to do the reach over the seat pop the paci in the mouth blindly maneuver but last night he again had about a 75 minute meltdown - no where near as bad as Tuesday but more than I prefer.

Jared and I are struggling a little with each other. Or, maybe it is just me and *I* am struggling with him and myself. I'm really about as ready as I am going to get to go back to work. As much as I swore up and down that I would be a stay at home mom...I'm looking forward to a little adult interaction and me time. I feel terrible and guilty about wanting a little away time but I think it will be best for both Christopher and I and in the long run my relationship with Jared as well.

We landed on a daycare facility as well this week. I don't know if I will ever feel 100% confident about any place but this one has five of the little Doering cousins so it can't be that bad. Filling out the paperwork is consuming! I understand but gosh it is almost as tiring as being a first time mom...or maybe that still falls under that category?

On another note, I've been having problems with my right thumb. I don't know if it is quite trigger finger/thumb but it is tight and hurts like hell-o. I went to see my favorite Bone & Joint Doctor yesterday and he gave me a brace. That lasted for all of 30 minutes. I am "all thumbs" (har har) when trying to care for Christopher with it on. I did wear it last night when he was sleeping and while I was sleeping. It will be interesting to see how it helps. I've got a recheck in 5 weeks and if it isn't better he talked about surgery. Again...not really helpful given the fact that I need both hands to carry and care for Christopher. I'm sure work would really appreciate me coming back and then going back out for surgery. HA!

Today is my 6 week post partum check-up. Holy crappo...gotta talk to the Doc about contraception. Poor Jared is NOT coming near me with a ten foot pole until I know for sure that we will not make another bambino. NOT ready to even think about that - and I was a smart ass before thinking I'd just get pregnant again right away. NOT HAPPENING!!!

Finally, I broke down this morning and transitioned Christopher from Newborn diapers to size 1. We tried them on about a week ago and he was drowning in them. This morning Christopher had a pee blowout up his back so I figured it was time to try them again. Which reminds me I need to change the sheet in his crib and he's stirring from his nap. Rock on, here we go again!

Super Pooper!

Our last day in the NICU the nurse was changing Christopher. I had noticed earlier that he kind of had three explosions before he was done. But she was the nurse and I figured she knew what she was doing (and bless her heart she didn't ask me if I wanted to change him!).

Jared decides to ask... "Do babies projectile poop? I know they projectile vomit, but can they poop like that too?".

As if God were waiting, Christopher showed us that yes, indeed, babies do projectile poop. Jared jumped about ten feet sideways while the nurse just stared at him in shock. It was everywhere!

Way to go Little Dude! Can't wait to tortue you with that one!

New Normal

I was sitting with Christopher in his room a few days ago and thought...gosh I can't wait until everything gets back to normal. Thankfully I didn't cry. Just realized that life as we know it is gone and we're into a whole new world!

His nights are getting better. The last three nights were OK where I have been able to rock him back to sleep and put him right back in his crib after a diaper change and bottle. The little stinker sure loves to snuggle. Sometimes I find I've fallen asleep while rocking him. God I hope I don't ever drop him. I'll have to rig up some sort of seat belt system for the two of us. Poor kid is gonna have to go to therapy someday, I'm SO neurotic.

We had our one month check-up yesterday. He weighed in at a whopping 9 lbs 9 oz. Definitely doing very well. He will officially be 1 month on July 27th! I cannot even believe that he has been here a month already. And dare I say, it is getting easier? Nah, I know we have a lot of nights to look forward to yet.

I took him into the Doctor this past Monday as well. Sunday morning, after my dearest husband let me sleep in (love you), we noticed that Christopher's right eye was a little gloppy. I called the on call MD and they suggested we get in on Monday. It isn't conjunctivitis and the Doctor didn't think it was a clogged duct either. Of course his eye looked fabulous at the appointment. It has been gloppy off and on all week (again looked good on Friday when we were in). Honestly I'm fruiting out about it a bit, but am trusting the physicians.

We're also struggling with MONSTER gas. Him, not me. I swear he could fart any of us under the table. He just cries and cries right before he poops. Not constipated, thankfully but just lots of air. He is so difficult to burp too. I asked the MD yesterday about Mylicon drops and we're going to start them today. Hopefully they will provide him some relief. Poor little peanut.

So enough about him, let's talk about meeeeee! I am so thrilled to announce that I bought new bras today. EVERYTHING from my neck to my knees seems to have fallen about 10 inches including the girls. I was so excited to get nice new bras! I told Jared I'd like a "redo" at 40 - maybe even them out and lift them up a little. We'll have to start saving now!

I also rejoined Weight Watchers. I am excited to say that I am 40+ lbs less than what I was when I found out I was pregnant with Christopher (down 56 total!!). It gives me mega motivation to keep it going. I'm hoping to have some good results by my birthday and even better by New Years. Meh...I can get hopeful, right? Leave it to me to be the conundrum of all things, most women gain weight while pregnant...not me...I lost! Let's have another baby!!! (Trust me, I'm not that crazy!)

Finally, to close here are a few of my new favorite things:

That fake farty smile (oh the benefits of being gassy) that Christopher displays.
The way he opens one eye while being rocked as if to check that I am still there.
The look he gets on his face after a good burp - I need to get a picture of this, it is priceless and probably won't last much longer.
The fact that diaper changes are getting easier & faster. Gosh we were all thumbs!
That I have a great support system, including my husband. I am hard on him but I know he is as new to this as I am.

Breastfeeding is for the birds

I think I may have mentioned the one thing I have truly learned thus far about being a Mommy is that you don't get to make plans. I'm such a Type A need to have everything laid out for me it is really tough to just roll with it.

I knew that having a birth plan was sort of important to me. I wanted a natural, non-epidural, non-pitocin, trust my body birth experience. Someone had other plans! But I knew going into it that I needed to reconcile that and I was okay with Christopher's birth experience.

It never dawned on me that breastfeeding would fall under the same set of don't count your chickens before they hatch rules. Since Christopher was a NICU baby they started him on an IV in his ankle and immediately began to administer sugar water. I wasn't thrilled about this, but given the circumstances I chose to let it go. So out came the hospital's big milking machine and we hooked up several times over next few days. I had also purchased one for home use as I intended to breastfeed Christopher until he was at least six months. There are so many benefits to breast feeding - who wouldn't want to do it for their child...right?

The Lactation Consultant (lovingly referred to as "Nazi" by my family physician) came to visit me on Tuesday and it went pretty poorly. Christopher was not interested in latching for long. Nothing was coming out...who could blame him? Christopher had been supplemented with sugar water and then formula feedings over the last two days. The formula feedings were quite interesting...they dropper fed him like a little birdy. In any case I moved back to my affair with the milk machine while Christopher continued to take supplements. I actually had to leave the hospital to calm myself down. I bawled like a baby in my car feeling less than effective as a Momma.

On Wednesday they switched him to a bottle. Again against all that I had learned in my breastfeeding class...but with circumstances what they were I let it go. I continued to pump and finally over the first weekend we had Christopher home I started to produce...a little.

The next week was kind of hell with the breast pump. I developed blisters, got a clogged milk duct and was generally crabby because my production was so little. The LC suggested I try the herbal supplement Fenugreek to increase my production. Meanwhile Christopher is enjoying formula supplemented with one breast bottle.

The Fenugreek made me smell like maple syrup! YUK. Finally a week ago today I hung up the milking machine. It was too much stress and time...to meet the expectation of the LC I needed to pump almost 5 hours per day. In my spare time, right? I had to pump one last time on Thursday due to another clogged duct.

It was really tough for me to reconcile giving up breastfeeding. I felt really incompetent and less of a woman. I'm sort of okay with it now. I will probably always question it but...it just wasn't an effective us of my time. Stupid boobs.

Life in the NICU

As I mentioned in my previous post, Christopher spent the first four and half days of life in the NICU. It was pretty surreal and scary. I pushed him out, they threw him up on my chest, I blinked and he was gone. I don't even remember them wheeling him out of the room...just telling Jared yes please go with him.

The NICU Doctor came in around 4:30 to explain the situation to Jared & I. It was so difficult for me to comprehend - probably because I don't comprehend much at 4:30 a.m. and because I was still pretty dopey.

We finally got to see Christopher around 10:00 a.m. or so on Sunday morning. I remember the NICU nurse telling us that we couldn't hold him or touch him because it would be too much stimulation for him. How heartbreaking. He was on 100% oxygen through a C-PAP and they were still talking about doing a ventilator if he didn't improve. Dr. Modi showed us Christopher's x-rays and they had already ruled out fluid in his lungs as well as the intestinal blockage. He also said babies with these breathing problems sometimes get worse before they get better.



We had several visitors on Sunday and I spent a lot of time in my room as my blood pressure was still pretty wacky. I wanted to go upstairs to the NICU and spend as much time as possible with Christopher but between visitors and just feeling generally crappy I spent a lot of time in bed.

Overnight they took Christopher off the C-PAP and reduced him to 30% oxygen through the isolette and let us know that he was doing much better. The main issue on Monday was his retaining water. He wasn't peeing much so we really weren't 100% out of the woods. Monday I was released from the birthing center and was finally able to hold my baby boy!

Tuesday we had a consultation with the Lactation Consultant - it didn't go real well and I left the hospital pretty upset. Christopher wanted IMMEDIATE milk and my production was pretty limited.

Wednesday Christopher's medical team thought that he may be able to go home on Thursday! That was phenomenal and awesome to hear. They took him out of the isolette and put him in an open air basinett.

Thursday came pretty fast and before we knew it they were helping us get ready to take our little dude home.

In all the NICU experience was good despite the fears that we had about the situation. I loved the majority of the staff and was thankful for such excellent care. We will definitely go back in a year or so to visit some of our favorite nurses!

Long time coming - I'm a Mommy

I've had Christopher home for two weeks and have been meaning to write everything I'm thinking. The number one lesson I've learned is there is no making plans with a baby! So I hope that I do my thoughts and feelings justice almost three weeks after the fact.

The "big day" was scheduled for Wednesday June 30 via induction due to gestational diabetes and preeclampsia. Christopher decided - or perhaps it was my body - that enough was enough and it was time to evacuate a little sooner. Jared and I went to dinner with his parents on June 25th and I just wasn't feeling right. I figured it was my BP but was too tired to run around to have it taken. We went home and I went right to bed. I woke up Saturday morning and still felt like crud so I ran to Walmart at 6:15 to take my BP. It was a "little high" at 177/110 so I called L&D and they asked me to come in for monitoring. I was also contracting about every 6 minutes - sounds like someone had a master plan!

By 2:00 they decided to move my induction up to Sunday morning. Around 4:00 the midwife came in and said I'm going to break your water now and we're going to have a baby! I had just gotten off the phone with Jared to update him and let him know that I would be okay if he didn't come to the hospital right away. Needless to say I called him back and he came running!

By 5:30 nothing had really progressed and the dreaded Pitocin was introduced. I managed to hang in there with those contractions for about an hour and a half before I called for an epidural. I had envisioned a drug free labor - no dice - again no plans in this whole baby process!

As a surprise my Sister and Grandma came to see me. That was quite shocking (good shocking) and we managed to visit a little. I think my Sister had an eyes open experience/moment. She is expecting and I tried to be brave for her...hope I didn't scare the pants off her! Poor girl!

The next couple hours were just more contractions. Jared said he left to get something to eat and I don't even remember that. By midnight it was time to push! It all happened pretty quickly and I was pretty scared but so excited to meet our little guy. I threw up every time my OB came into the room. Thank goodness he stopped me from eating earlier in the day. Still not sure what came out of me - Jared said he'd never seen anything like it before! Ewwww!


Christopher finally made it into the world around 1:55 a.m on June 27. He weighed 8 lbs 3 oz and was 20 inches long. Those last pushes were the most amazing experience of my whole pregnancy. I remember looking down at Dr. AJ and thinking he was so far away and worrying that he wouldn't catch Christopher. When Christopher left my body it was such an amazing rush. They threw him up on my chest and were wiping him down. I don't remember if I touched him but kept saying "my baby, my baby".

It hit the fan pretty quickly after that. He wasn't breathing well and they pulled him from me. Dr. AJ was putting me back together (just an easy episiotomy) and there seemed to be so many people in my room. I don't know if they were distracting me or if I was just in la-la land. Next I know they're rushing Christopher to the NICU. Thankfully Jared went with.

The nurses were so fantastic. I had such excellent care while Jared was upstairs with Christopher. I don't remember feeling panicked - granted we didn't know what the issue was at the time. I had excellent care through my whole stay.

Jared came back downstairs to my room and around 4:30 the NICU Doctor came in to talk to us. I was so out of it I don't really remember a lot of it. They were uncertain if he had fluid in his lungs or air outside of his lungs and were concerned about potential intestinal blockage. It turned out that Christopher had a pneumothorax and it cleared up on its own after a couple days of oxygen.

We were finally able to bring him home on July 1st. It has been a whirlwind to say the least. But...I'm so in love!