I think I may have mentioned the one thing I have truly learned thus far about being a Mommy is that you don't get to make plans. I'm such a Type A need to have everything laid out for me it is really tough to just roll with it.
I knew that having a birth plan was sort of important to me. I wanted a natural, non-epidural, non-pitocin, trust my body birth experience. Someone had other plans! But I knew going into it that I needed to reconcile that and I was okay with Christopher's birth experience.
It never dawned on me that breastfeeding would fall under the same set of don't count your chickens before they hatch rules. Since Christopher was a NICU baby they started him on an IV in his ankle and immediately began to administer sugar water. I wasn't thrilled about this, but given the circumstances I chose to let it go. So out came the hospital's big milking machine and we hooked up several times over next few days. I had also purchased one for home use as I intended to breastfeed Christopher until he was at least six months. There are so many benefits to breast feeding - who wouldn't want to do it for their child...right?
The Lactation Consultant (lovingly referred to as "Nazi" by my family physician) came to visit me on Tuesday and it went pretty poorly. Christopher was not interested in latching for long. Nothing was coming out...who could blame him? Christopher had been supplemented with sugar water and then formula feedings over the last two days. The formula feedings were quite interesting...they dropper fed him like a little birdy. In any case I moved back to my affair with the milk machine while Christopher continued to take supplements. I actually had to leave the hospital to calm myself down. I bawled like a baby in my car feeling less than effective as a Momma.
On Wednesday they switched him to a bottle. Again against all that I had learned in my breastfeeding class...but with circumstances what they were I let it go. I continued to pump and finally over the first weekend we had Christopher home I started to produce...a little.
The next week was kind of hell with the breast pump. I developed blisters, got a clogged milk duct and was generally crabby because my production was so little. The LC suggested I try the herbal supplement Fenugreek to increase my production. Meanwhile Christopher is enjoying formula supplemented with one breast bottle.
The Fenugreek made me smell like maple syrup! YUK. Finally a week ago today I hung up the milking machine. It was too much stress and time...to meet the expectation of the LC I needed to pump almost 5 hours per day. In my spare time, right? I had to pump one last time on Thursday due to another clogged duct.
It was really tough for me to reconcile giving up breastfeeding. I felt really incompetent and less of a woman. I'm sort of okay with it now. I will probably always question it but...it just wasn't an effective us of my time. Stupid boobs.
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