Randomization

I was so stressed the last time I blogged. I was at the walk-in clinic waiting for lab results feeling like pooh on a stick. I didn't have strep or mono. Just realllllly run down and a super sore throat.

I went to the doctor again on Monday to discuss PPD. I don't know for sure that I have it. I've been doing some reading and I think I may identify more with Post Partum Stress Disorder. I'm not depressed or sad as much as I am frazzled and pissed off a lot of the time. I am really really trying to learn what my triggers are (being tired) and what sets me off (feeling like I am the only one doing anything). The Doctor suggested that I start taking Lexapro and I am super hesitant to get back on the wagon. I took it for almost 5 years and then weaned myself off slowly and painfully over a period of 10 months. It was awful and I don't know if I want to go through that again.

The good part of all of this is that I am feeling a bit better physically which I hope will help me feel better emotionally. I would like to start getting some sort of exercise back into the picture. I don't know exactly how or when. Christopher gets up so gosh darn early and the mornings are pretty chaotic. I could do it at night but I am worried that it will make me more wired. I'm having some trouble falling asleep - generally after his middle of the night feeding. I lay there thinking about the things that I want to get done and my mind just runs. Gotta find that off button. Again, I'm trying to be more cognizant of these things and hoping that awareness helps.

On the Christopher front: He was super sick about two weeks ago. Definitely the worst cold that we have had to deal with so far. Day care called on a Friday afternoon to get him as he had a fever over 100*. I took him in to the doctor and they said yeah just a bad cold. I took him back in again on Sunday to the walk-in and he was diagnosed with his first ear infection. Poor little guy. That was opening weekend of hunting. Jared was so sweet and gave up hunting on Sunday to stay home with the two of us - Saturday had been pure hell. I have never been covered in so much snot, spit, spit-up etc. Christopher spit-up about 5.5 oz of bottle on Sunday. All over me, the dog, the carpet and an ottoman. He had cried pretty hard on the way home from the walk-in and was starving. I should have burped him half way through... live and learn.

He is starting to sit on his own. I had him on the floor in front of me one morning and realized that he was pretty independent. I let him rest against my shin and we've been practicing more and more. I am so amazed with his development.

We also popped another tooth this morning. I was in the bathroom getting ready for church. Jared had been snuggling with Christopher when holy hell broke loose. Christopher screamed and screamed and I thought oh I'll just grab him and he'll be fine. No dice. So I was walking around with him and I looked and thought "that looks like another tooth" and Jared came running to check and sure enough. I feel kind of bad that I missed it as I feel like it came out of nowhere. He was fine and then screaming bloody murder. We gave him some anbesol and a half dose of Tylenol and he was fine again.

I cannot believe that he is five months old already. I know that he'll be a year in the blink of an eye. I'm just trying to enjoy every possible moment.